If Only
by TippieTurtle
Summary: A cancelled date. A lie. The sad truth. A short snippet of Jamie and Eddie's thoughts after the events of S8E21.


After re-watching S8E21 (The Devil You Know), I decided to pen something down for Jamie and Eddie fans. The ending of their story left much to be imagined and so, I did a little imagining of my own. Please note that I do not own Blue Bloods in any way, shape or form. The characters are not mine. I hope you enjoy reading this short continuation of Jamie and Eddie's story from S8E21. :)

XXX

Eddie felt terrible. She told a fib so she could get out of her date with Barry. She knew it was not right to have done so, but she needed to unwind with someone who understood the stressful nature of her job, of her most recent case. She needed Jamie.

"You got any plans?" Eddie asked her partner, a little too casually.

"Yeah. To not be second fiddle," Jamie replied, half-jokingly. He did not want to be her second choice. He felt a pang of what could only be jealousy. He needed distance between himself and them. All he wanted was Eddie to be happy. However, it was hurting him to see her with Barry. To know they were making progress in their relationship. And in that progress, he realized that he no longer played as huge a role in Eddie's life as he did before. That stung badly. Then again, how could he blame her? He could not and would not. This pathetic state of affairs was entirely his doing. So, it was a surprise to Jamie that Eddie came clean and admitted the truth about the situation. She had cancelled her date with Barry because she needed him. He was her first choice. At least for tonight. Jamie treaded carefully, not wanting to give away his elation. He reminded himself that tonight was about Eddie and her need to talk to someone who could relate to her emotional state, who understood where she was coming from. It was not about him and his irrational need to be close to her. But gosh darn it, as soon as he acceded to her request, he felt his heart skip a beat. After what seemed like such a long time, he was finally going to spend an evening with Eddie outside of work. He missed that. He missed their dinners and drinks together after their shift. He missed her.

After agreeing on a restaurant to have dinner at, both Jamie and Eddie went to their respective cars for their drive there. As Eddie pulled out of her parking spot, she sighed deeply. Who I am kidding, she asked herself. As much as she was fond of Barry, he was not Jamie. Barry was a decent guy - thoughtful and kind. But he was not her Boy Scout. He was not her partner. And was that not exactly the problem? Jamie was her partner. And it was because of this that they could do nothing about their attraction to each other. It had to be put aside for neither could bear the thought of working so closely with someone else. Who could better take care of them on the job but them? They knew each other so well, it stumped their colleagues and their bosses.

This past week had tugged at Eddie's heartstrings. She was terrified for the baby and her mother, Sophia. A new-born baby girl had been taken from her mother. No mother should ever have to go through that ordeal. Eddie took it upon herself to make sure that she did all that she could to find the missing baby and return her to her rightful place. She could not help but wonder if that happened to her and … And who? Barry? Another man? Jamie? Jamie. The reality was that Eddie could only see herself having children with Jamie. And that was the most inconvenient truth, was it not? That she was dating Barry, who was a very nice guy, yet she held on to the hopes of having children with her partner? What sort of a mess had she gotten herself into? This realization, coupled with the stress of the past week, made Eddie feel even more emotional. What a precarious predicament to be in.

Now what, Jamie asked himself. He had parked his car a short distance from the restaurant and climbed out. He had decided on his way over that he was going to be Eddie's sounding board. He was going to be what she needed him to be. If this was going to be their last evening together outside of work, he wanted it to be about her. And even though it would hurt gravely at the end of dinner, he would take whatever time they had together and cherish it. He would not stand in the way of her happiness. But seeing Eddie now, waiting for him by the side of her already parked car, looking forlorn and close to tears, Jamie's heart broke for her. Work be damned. He quickly made his way over and without uttering a word, wrapped his arms around her. He hoped that he could somehow soothe her and help her get through whatever it was that was troubling her. If only he knew better.

Eddie could not hold back the tears. Spunky and vivacious as she was, this was certainly not one of her finest moments. She held on to Jamie and allowed herself to be comforted as tears trickled down her cheeks and onto Jamie's jacket. How was it that he knew just what she needed when she needed it? Eddie could no longer deny the fact that being in Jamie's arms felt like … Home.

Jamie knew he was in deep trouble mere seconds after he put his arms around Eddie. He admitted to himself that it felt right that they were standing there with their arms around each other. So right. Without thinking, he gently pushed his nose into her hair and inhaled. The lovely scent of her was an assault on his senses of the most beautiful kind, and he welcomed it. This woman bewitched him, grounded him and made him feel whole. If only he could freely express that. He wanted to be her rock, just like she was to him.

Both Jamie and Eddie held on to each other till Eddie's breathing slowed and evened out. She pulled away to wipe her still-damp cheeks. Jamie very reluctantly let her go, but his eyes searched hers. He reached out and tenderly touched her cheek. Her skin felt like silk against his fingers and he saw Eddie's eyes flutter shut, seemingly to focus on his touch and to shut out all other distractions.

"Eddie…" Jamie whispered. His heart and mind started a war. He shut his eyes as he willed himself to get a grip on his emotions which had taken control. He could never be selfish with Eddie. He could not take advantage of her present vulnerability. Not now, not ever. He loved her too much. He loved her. He knew this to be true. His affection for her as his partner and friend had grown into an all-encompassing rapture. He was in love with Eddie. And she was dating Barry. Jamie's eyes reopened at that dreadful truth and he slowly pulled his hand away from Eddie's face. He chided himself. She needed a friend tonight. Not someone who would put his need to tell her how he truly felt, before her needs. He reminded himself, yet again, that he was going to be her friend, her sounding board. She had Barry. And he had … Jamie pushed that disheartening train of thought out of his mind. He would face it again when he was ready to deal with it. For now, he was going to take his partner into the restaurant and have dinner.

The very moment Jamie's hand left Eddie's cheek, she felt a sense of loss. She opened her eyes and looked at Jamie. There, in his eyes, she saw a wistfulness she had only seen once before – while they were dancing, more than a year ago. They had come full circle. No matter who she had dated, Barry included, she could not get past Jamie. No one could hold a candle to him. Absolutely no one. That could only mean one thing – she loved him. She loved Jamie. And there was not a damn thing she could do about it without possibly ruining a work relationship like no other. Eddie sighed inwardly. If only.

Looking down, Eddie gathered her thoughts and her wits. When she looked up, she had a sad smile on her face.

"Thank you, partner. That meant a lot," Eddie said softly.

"Anytime, short stuff. Now, shall we have dinner?" came Jamie's reply, equally as soft.

Jamie and Eddie turned and walked towards the entrance of the restaurant. Both feeling lost in their unspoken love for the other. Both not knowing what to do.

XXX


End file.
